The Observer, April 25, 2008
Volume XL, Issue 26
The rules of hooking up
If you've ever spent an evening hooking up with someone, whether or not it was entirely intentional, you have probably asked yourself the following question: should I stay or should I go? After you've exchanged bodily fluids and hopefully names, the conundrum of whether it's appropriate to spend the night or drag yourself back to your room is bound to pop up. So how do you decide what's within bounds, and more importantly, how will you know what the implications of your choice are? Here are a few things to keep in mind if you have ever faced this problem or expect to over the summer.
There are many variables in the hooking up equation, namely the general rule of thumb that you should never hook up with someone you don't want to wake up next to in the morning. But, life happens. And in the event that it does, the next thing to consider is the quality and duration of the hook up. Was there tongue involved? Was there removal of clothing? Were roommates warned or left to fend for themselves? Do you know where your underwear is? If there is no tactful hint like "Well, I have an early class/meeting/fill-in-the-blank tomorrow," you will need to have some tact yourself. Whatever you do, if you were lucky enough to have a good hookup with this person and would like to see another one in the future, you can't leave without at least saying goodnight. You might have a valid excuse like the fact that you have an early fill-in-the-blank tomorrow also, but even if you don't, under no conditions should you leave without saying goodnight or after the other person has fallen asleep. It's just a little rude and it certainly doesn't pave the yellow brick road to future hookups very well.
Speaking of which, the possibility of future hookups is a very important factor in your decision. If you genuinely aren't sure who you just hooked up with and there is no chance you'll run into them at the dining hall the next morning, a quick exit is fine. But if the hookup was good and you are looking for a round two, I'd recommend staying if it doesn't seem like an inconvenience. You are also allowed to leave if there was no below-the-belt action. However, bear in mind what time it is, because if getting back to your room involves walking across campus at 4 a.m., then it is also fine to stay. And if you choose to stay the night, remember that there is a morning-after protocol to follow. Generally, it is not advisable to stay past 8 a.m.
In the early stages of hooking up, being discreet is especially advisable since you know if someone sees you walking out of someone else's room, 10 more people are going to be talking about it an hour from then. Nothing kills a budding romance faster than gossip, so try to get out as early as possible without offending the other person.
Hopefully that cleared up some of the rules and codes of conduct about hooking up, even though we all know it's incredibly difficult to predict awkward situations. But try to stay positive about the whole thing and you can turn your walk of shame into a stride of pride!
